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- * UNREGISTERED COPY * $14.90 DOS-JOKE.DOC
-
- ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╗
- ║ ASP MEMBER ║
- ║ * DOS-JOKE * ║
- ║ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ║
- ║ ║
- ║ VERSION 1.7 C.S.S. Inc. ║
- ║ COPYRIGHT 3005 GLENMORE AVE. ║
- ║ 1990, 1991, 1992 BALTIMORE, MD 21214 ║
- ║ CREATIVE SOFTWARE SOUNDS Inc. (410) 665-0193 ║
- ║ ║
- ╠═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╣
- ║ Call TOLL FREE 1-800-847-0309 for CREDIT CARD orders. ║
- ╠═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╣
- ║ ║
- ║ ║
- ║ Table of Contents ║
- ║ ----------------- PAGE ║
- ║ ~~~~ ║
- ║ I. Introduction...................................... 1 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ II. Files on this Disk................................ 2 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ III. How to INSTALL/RUN DOS-JOKE....................... 3 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ IV. Errors/Problems................................... 4 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ V. How to use DOS-JOKE............................... 5 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ VI. Other Speech Products............................. 6 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ VII. Shareware Distribution............................ 10 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ VIII. Ordering Information.............................. 12 ║
- ║ ║
- ║ ║
- ╚═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╝
-
-
- I. Introduction
- ---------------
-
- DOS-JOKE is a new comedy program with real human speech and digital
- sound effects. Did you ever see the candid camera show where there is a
- guy hiding in the mail box, talking to people as they walk by - well
- that is what this program is like. DOS-JOKE will look just like your
- PC DOS but with a comedy twist. The high quality speech works thru
- your PC speaker. When a user try's to enter a command, DOS-JOKE will
- say a nasty or rude comment in response. If no command is entered,
- DOS-JOKE will wait for a period of time (you select the delay time) and
- then say comments and sound effects to grab the persons attention or
- drive them crazy. You can run this package for days !!!!. Use this to
- play jokes and gags on your family, friends and coworkers. Don't let
- the other person know what is going on (play along with the joke or
- hide from the user). try video recording this.
-
- To register, send $14.90 to C.S.S. Inc.
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 2
-
-
-
- II. Files on this Disk
- ----------------------
-
- Below is a list of the files that should be on this distribution disk:
-
-
- RUNME.BAT RUN THIS, for the first time user of this package.
-
- DOS-JOKE.EXE This is the main program file. This file should
- be executed to run the program.
-
- DOS-JOKE.DOC This document file. To print this document
- type: "print dos-joke.doc" from D.O.S..
-
- DOS-JOKE.SLB This is a sound library files used by DOS-JOKE.EXE
-
- ORDER.FRM Order form for DOS-JOKE and JOKE-TALK.
-
- PRINTDOC.BAT This will print all of the document files.
-
-
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 3
-
-
- III. How to INSTALL/RUN DOS-JOKE
- --------------------------------
-
- We recommend that you INSTALL this package on your HARD DRIVE.
- --------------------------------------------------------------
-
- SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS: 256K of memory
- any graphic monitor (EGA/VGA recommended).
-
-
- If you have a FLOPPY based system, insert the disk into the A
- drive, then log onto the A drive, by typing in:
-
- A:
-
- Then to start the program, type in :
-
- DOS-JOKE
-
-
- * If you have a HARD DRIVE system, insert the disk into your A
- drive, then make a subdirector on your hard drive, by typing in:
-
- C:
- MD\ DOS-JOKE
-
- Then log onto the DOS-JOKE subdirector, by typing in:
-
- CD\ DOS-JOKE
-
- Then copy all the files on this disk to the subdirector on
- your hard drive, by typing in:
-
- COPY A:*.*
-
- Then to start the program, type in :
-
- DOS-JOKE
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 4
-
-
- IV. ERRORS/PROBLEMS
- --------------------
-
- REMOVE ALL TSR PROGRAMS AND HAVE 256K OF FREE MEMORY AVAILABLE
- BEFORE RUNNING THIS PROGRAM.
-
-
- If the speech output is not loud enough, this is usually caused by a
- inexpensive PC that has a ceramic speaker built on to the mother board
- or the speaker is placed in a bad location in your system unit. There
- is no cure for this problem (your PC is not 100% IBM compatible).
-
-
- If the sound output is distorted or muffled or slow, this usually
- reflects that the speaker is placed in a bad location in your system,
- or a TSR (Terminate and Stay Resident) program is running.
- Remove all TSR programs before running DOS-JOKE.
-
-
- If you receive a BGI graphics error, this usually reflects that a
- graphics card was not detected in your system. This product supports
- CGA, EGA,VGA, HERC, MDA and SVGA graphic systems. Try using your
- graphics setup program to select one of the above graphic systems.
-
-
- If you have a problem with the keyboard this maybe caused by not
- having enough memory in your system (512K needed) or the file size
- in your config.sys file is to small. Try increasing your file size.
-
-
- If you have any problems other then the ones listed above, please call
- us or send us a letter, with the error information. This will enable us
- to correct the error(s). THANKS........
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 5
-
-
- V. How to use DOS-JOKE
- ----------------------
-
- To start the program type in DOS-JOKE at the dos prompt (C>). Read
- the introduction screen and enter a wait (delay) number between 1 and
- 5. This number will tell DOS-JOKE to wait for a period of time before
- sending the background speech or sound effects to the pc speaker.
-
- 1 - 30 seconds (grab their attention)
- 2 - 1 minute (default - press any key)
- 3 - 5 minutes (drive them crazy)
- 4 - 10 minutes (send them to the funny farm)
- 5 - 30 minutes (you can run this for days)
- (set you watch by this one)
-
- When you enter a wait number, a C> will appear on the screen and
- the computer will look like and feel just like dos. Walk away from
- the computer and find a good spot to watch the action. You can time
- the wait period with your watch. Press ^C at anytime to abort the
- program.
-
-
- TIPS
- ~~~~
- * Let the person go as far as they can before giving away the joke.
-
- * You can advance DOS-JOKE to the gag you like, by holding down the
- return key. This will suppress the sound output.
-
- * Set the wait number to 5 (30 minutes) and turn off the video monitor.
- This will drive a person crazy, trying to figure out where that sound
- is coming from.
-
- * If you work in a office, try running this before you go to lunch or
- before you leave for the day (the cleaning people will get a kick out
- of this).
-
- * Try video recording this gag and send it into one of the TV comedy
- shows (home video, candid camera, etc.).
-
- * Please register your shareware. We will send you the complete package
- when you register, plus a free second speech package.
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 6
-
- VI. Other Speech Products
- -------------------------
-
- When you register your software we will send you a updated list of
- other products for multimedia, business, educational and personal use.
-
-
- JOKE TALK
- ---------
-
- JOKE TALK is a new type of HUMOR program with real human speech that
- will say several jokes, play NAME THAT TUNE, VOICE IMPERSONATIONS,
- ADULT jokes and much more. Some of the nifty funnies are : computer
- jokes, phone rings, greetings, on-liners and the CANDID CAMERA SHOW.
- This product will give you hours of entertainment and is has the
- capability to copy jokes to other computers. This will allow you to
- play practical jokes on your family and friends. (only $29.90)
- ~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- MULTIMEDIA 1
- ------------
-
- MULTIMEDIA 1 will allow you to create your own custom presentations,
- demo's, tutorials, courseware, reports and much more. With this
- package you can combine real human speech, music and sound effects
- with high resolution images (up to SVGA). Create a talking slide show.
- This package includes:
-
- * OVER 1 MEG. of speech, music and sound effects.
-
- * display GIF, PCX, PIC, TIFF and TARGA files.
-
- * Supports CGA, EGA, VGA and SVGA (upto 1024 x 768)
-
- * MOTION and SPECIAL EFFECTS.
-
- * INTEGRATED DEVELOPMENT EDITOR with:
-
- * MULTIPLE OVERLAPPING WINDOWS
- * PULL DOWN MENU
- * FULL MOUSE SUPPORT
- * COPY and PASTE features
-
- * IMAGE PROCESSING FUNCTIONS
-
- * Screen CAPTURE capability
-
- * Optional SOUND BLASTER support
-
- * NO ROYALTIES
-
- As an added service, we can provide you with custom speech for your
- application and we can digitize (capture) your video recording, photos
- and any art work that you create. Now you can incorporate sound,
- graphics and video images into one package. All this for only $59.00
- ~~~~~~
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 7
-
- ALPHABET and WORDS
- ------------------
-
- ABC-TALK is a NEW EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM with a real human voice that
- teaches children how to talk, learn the alphabet, read, spell and
- work with a computer. ABC-TALK will teach young children to say
- early words (hi, mama, dada, I love you, drink, please, thank you,
- up, bye, etc.) and how to interact with a computer. For older
- children, ABC-TALK will teach them to say and understand the
- alphabet, how to find letters on the keyboard, how to recognize
- the letters in words and how to spell words. Also included is the
- ABC SONG and EASY DRAW for your child's creativity. The voice output
- will work with any IBM PC compatible and any graphic monitor. This
- program will give children great encouragement to learn. When a
- question is answered correctly, ABC-TALK will say positive words (way
- to go, great, excellent, etc.). The hi-resolution graphics are
- designed to bring out the childs creativity by using kaleidoscopes
- and collages (the child will recognize various objects , letters
- and words hidden in the graphics). (For only $ 25.00)
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- NUMBERS and COUNTING
- --------------------
-
- 123-TALK is designed for children 2-8 years old. This program will
- teach your child how to say numbers, recognize numbers on the keyboard,
- and remember their phone number. After you child learns basic numbers,
- 123-TALK will teach your child how to count balloons, addition and
- subtraction. Also includes in this package is easy draw II and the
- 123 song. This is one of our best selling packages. (For only $ 25.00)
-
-
- OTHER PRODUCTS WITH TALKING TEACHER under development.
- -----------------------------------------------------
-
- COLORS and SHAPES - Designed for children 1-7 years old.
- Cost only $19.50
-
- ADDITION and SUBTRACTION - Designed for children 4-9 years old.
- Cost only $24.50
-
- MULTIPLICATION and DIVISION - Designed for children 7-11 years old.
- Cost only $24.50
-
- WORD GAMES GRADE 1-3 - Designed for children 6-9 years old.
- Cost only $29.50
-
- WORD GAMES GRADE 4-6 - Designed for children 9-12 years old.
- Cost only $29.50
-
- EARLY SPANISH - Designed for children 4-12 years old.
- Cost only $29.50
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 8
-
- PC-TALK (THE VOICE LIBRARY)
- ---------------------------
-
- The VOICE LIBRARY is a NEW product for business and personal
- applications. The library consist of words and phrases the can be
- used in all sorts of possibilities. There is no special hardware need
- to run the VOICE LIBRARY (works thru the PC speaker). The voice
- commands can be put in any batch file (*.bat) and added to your
- programs/menus. This package is very easy to use, you simply need to
- type PC-TALK at the dos prompt, followed by the words you would
- like to say
-
- example: to say happy birthday,
- type in: PC-TALK happy birthday
-
- Also included in this package is a PCX display program that can be
- used to display pcx pictures. This will give you a TALKING SLIDE
- SHOW capability. (This package contains over 1,000,000 bytes of
- SPEECH, MUSIC and SOUND EFFECTS (3 disk) for only $29.50)
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
-
-
-
- SW-TALK (THE VOICE LIBRARY for programmers)
- -------------------------------------------
-
- The VOICE LIBRARY is a NEW product for SHAREWARE AUTHORS/PROGRAMMERS.
- The library consist of over 100 words that can be used to give your
- programs a more professional touch and help increase your registrations.
- Excellent voice quality That works thru the PC speaker. The voice
- commands can be added to any batch file (*.bat) and/or added to your
- programs (shell command). This package is very easy to use, you simply
- need to type SW-TALK at the dos prompt, followed by the words you would
- like to say.
-
- example: to say PLEASE REGISTER YOUR SHAREWARE
- type in: SW-TALK REGISTER
-
- Also included in this package is a PCX display program that can be used
- to display pcx pictures. This will allow you to design a fancy intro.
- screen for your programs. (Cost only $ 25.00)
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 9
-
- SHOW TALK (THE SHOW STOPPER)
- ----------------------------
-
- Did you ever see the candid camera show where there is a guy hiding
- in the mail box talking to people as they walk by - well that is what
- this product is. It is intended to be used to attract people to the
- computer (your show booth or retail store), IT'S A REAL HEAD TURNER.
-
- This program will draw fancy collages and about every 30 seconds it
- will say catch phrases (in real human speech), to try and catch the
- persons attention. Some of the phrases are:
-
- HELLO - IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE,
- HEY THERE GOOD LOOKING (FEMALE VOICE),
- HEY YOU OVER THERE, COME ON OVER HERE,
- PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE,
- TRY PRESSING A KEY
-
- and many more. When the person presses a keyboard key, SHOW TALK will
- say a joke or sing a song or play name that tune. This is a great
- CUSTOMER CATCHER for your next show. You can also use this in a retail
- store or to play jokes on your friends. (Cost only $ 15.00)
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- GOTCHA !!
- ---------
-
- GOTCHA is a NEW ARCADE ACTION/STRATEGY GRAPHIC GAME. This game
- is CHALLENGING, very ADDICTIVE and lots of FUN. GOTCHA has high
- speed Nintendo style graphics, arcade sound effects and voice output,
- multiple skill levels and VGA graphic support. The object of the game
- is to move your sphere on the playing grid in such a way that you
- outlast and/or entrap the computer's sphere. The computer uses
- ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE based decision making to move it's sphere.
- There are four rounds in this version, each round is more difficult
- to beat and use different tactics to entrap your sphere. When you
- complete all four rounds, a wild graphic screen will entertain you.
- We feel this game is a new and exciting interactive graphic game.
- First there was PAC-MAN, then there was TETRIS, now there is GOTCHA !!.
- (For only $14.50) Available in 1993
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 10
-
-
- VII. Shareware Distribution
- ---------------------------
-
- Shareware is a growing concept for now and the future. This gives
- YOU the chance to freely obtain and try out this software to see if it
- fits your needs or provides you with entertainment. Shareware means
- that you try it, and if you like it, you should BUY it....
-
- If you continue to use this Shareware program, after trying it out,
- you are expected to register your copy with C.S.S. Inc. and pay the
- registration fee. What you get in return will be the latest version
- of this program , PLUS A FREE second program.
-
- Please support the Shareware concept. This will enable us to
- continue to support our software and create new and exciting speech
- programs. Considering the price of a comparable commercial software
- package, it's obvious that Shareware is a good deal for everyone.
-
- There are real advantages to the Shareware system. You get to try
- out software to make sure it's compatible with your system and that it
- fits your needs before you "buy" it. C.S.S. Inc. saves the expense of
- advertising, packaging and distribution and passes the savings on to you.
- Plus, We are much more accessible than commercial software sources, so
- your questions and suggestions are much more likely to be responded to.
-
- Copyright laws apply to both Shareware and commercial software, and
- the copyright holder retains all rights, with a few specific exceptions
- as stated below. Shareware authors are accomplished programmers, just
- like commercial authors, and the programs are of comparable quality. (In
- both cases, there are good programs and bad ones!) The main difference
- is in the method of distribution.
-
- Shareware is a distribution method, not a type of software. You
- should find software that suits your needs and pocketbook, whether it's
- commercial or Shareware. The Shareware system makes finding software
- easier, because you can try before you buy. Shareware has the ultimate
- money-back guarantee- if you don't use the product, you don't pay for it.
-
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 11
-
- Shareware Dealers
- -----------------
-
- If you are a Shareware dealer and plan on adding this program to
- your library, please send us a letter so we can add you company to
- our database. This will allow us to send you any updates to this
- program and all future Shareware programs that we develop.
-
-
-
- DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTY
- ----------------------
-
- THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED "AS IS," THERE ARE NO WARRANTIES, EXPRESSED
- OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
- MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND ALL SUCH
- WARRANTIES ARE EXPRESSLY AND SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIMED. NEITHER C.S.S.
- Inc. PRODUCTS NOR ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS BEEN INVOLVED IN THE CREATION,
- PRODUCTION, OR DELIVERY OF THIS SOFTWARE SHALL BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT,
- INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES ARISING OUT OF THE USE
- OR INABILITY TO USE SUCH SOFTWARE . THIS DISCLAIMER SHALL BE GOVERNED
- BY THE LAWS OF MARYLAND.
-
-
-
- Distribution restriction
- ------------------------
-
- The files and programs on this disk may not modified or deleted.
- Please do not arc or zip these files.
-
- Disk vendors, those who sell Shareware for a profit shall not
- charge more then $10.00 per disk.
-
- The programs cannot be sold as part of some other package, without
- written permission from C.S.S. Inc..
-
- The distribution disk cannot contain any other programs. If you plan
- on adding this program to a CD-ROM package, please write us for approval.
-
- When distributed via a modem link all files must be transferred
- in a archive format. We recommend that you use ZIP or ARC format
- when you would like to transfer this program over a telecommunication
- link.
-
-
-
- DOS-JOKE
- Page 12
-
- VIII. Ordering Information
- ---------------------------
-
- To order the new version of DOS-JOKE plus a free second speech program:
-
- * Send $14.90 U.S. dollars (free shipping in USA, $2.50 shipping
- for foreign orders).
- * Make your check or money order payable to C.S.S. Inc..
-
- * Send payment to the address below.
-
- C.S.S. Inc.
- 3005 Glenmore Ave.
- Baltimore, MD 21214
-
-
-
- * VISA, MASTER CARD or AMERICAN EXPRESS credit card orders:
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- * CALL toll free 1-800-847-0309
-
-
-
- If you have any comments or suggestions, please
- send us a letter or reach us on CompuServe [70461,3520] or
- CALL at (410) 665-0193.
-
-
- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
- --------------------------
-